Aspiring Sasquatch Hunter Has Legality Questions – Game Regs Are Ambiguous on Cryptids

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If you want to be tossed back and forth between Washington state and local law enforcement agencies like the proverbial hot potato, just try inquiring about the legality of hunting Sasquatch. That is what happened to an anonymous caller earlier in March, who called the Stevens County Sheriff’s Office to seek advice on the legality of his proposed hunting trip. Needless to say, he didn’t get a straight answer — because there is no Sasquatch.

The Stevens County Sheriff’s Office kept the caller’s identity concealed when it posted to Facebook about the incident on Mar. 19. While the exact transcript of the call was not shared, the office publicized a staff member’s notes from the exchange that painted the picture.

“[The caller] will be coming into the area mid-April and wants to hunt in the Big Meadow Lake area,” the office quoted the memo as saying.

Apparently, the caller had contacted another state office that quickly got him off of its hands.

I can imagine how that went; this guy doubtlessly got passed around like a red-headed stepchild at the reading of Grandpa’s will.

“I tried to refer him to Fish and Wildlife, but they had referred him to us,” the employee said. 

The law-conscious hunter then inquired about the legality of hunting Sasquatch, the mythical ape-like creature that purportedly roams around the Pacific Northwest.

“Mr. [redacted] has concerns about how to stay legal while hunting [in] the Big Meadow Lake area because our state regulations are unclear regarding Sasquatch hunts,” the Facebook post quoted. 

“[He] needs to know: 1. Is it illegal in Stevens County to shoot Sasquatch? 2. Is a regular hunting license enough to keep his Sasquatch hunt legal?”

I think I can answer these questions: It almost certainly is not illegal in Stevens County to shoot Sasquatch any more than it is illegal to shoot the Loch Ness Monster or Marvin the Martian — because they are all strictly imaginary creatures. And I would expect he doesn’t even need a regular hunting license to hunt Sasquatch because why would you need a license to hunt an imaginary creature?

I’ll start believing Sasquatch is real when someone produces one, dead or alive. That hasn’t happened because Sasquatch doesn’t exist. There is no population — and there would have to be a population of at least hundreds of these animals in a pretty well-populated area — and nobody has ever found a dead one, or captured non-fuzzy, clear video of a live one, or hit one with a car, or caught one on a security camera, or even found a footprint that wasn’t laughably faked.

So, I think this anonymous caller is on pretty solid legal ground.

Bonus: A commenter on this story wins the internet for the day when he observes:

It’s legal to hunt T-Rex, but only in small arms season.

Well played.

See Related: Messin’ With Reality: Claimed Bigfoot Sighting in Colorado

WATCH: Dem Challenger Dean Phillips Drops Hilarious Ad About Bigfoot Searching for Joe Biden 

The existence of Sasquatch aside, I would encourage this anonymous caller to go afield and take his best shot (yes, I know) at seeking out Sasquatch. At least he’ll be outside, in the fresh air, surrounded by the wonder of nature, and getting some good exercise into the bargain. There are many worse ways to spend a day. As long as he exercises the proper target identification — always know precisely what you’re about to shoot at — I can’t see any real harm in intending to hunt a critter that doesn’t exist. He will doubtlessly bring back every round of ammo he took into the field, and that’s fine.

Of course, I may be wrong; if I am, I suspect that Sasquatch may be a creature that, to put it bluntly, you wouldn’t want to mess with.

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